V I C I S S I T U D E

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vicissitude

–noun
1.
a change or variation occurring in the course of something.
2.
interchange or alternation, as of states or things.
3.
vicissitudes, successive, alternating, or changing phases or conditions, as of life or fortune; ups and downs: They remained friends through the vicissitudes of 40 years.
4.
regular change or succession of one state or thing to another.
5.
change; mutation; mutability.

Sometimes.. I wished I have more faith and stronger.

I have such a painful situation to face on Sunday. Go or not to go? Why?

That immerse pain I'm feeling attacks my heart every time I see her. That is why I'd swear that I'd never be friends with her. It's killing me softly, it's paining me and it's god darn scary. It was like a heaven sent down nemesis. In layman terms, I don't wanna see her. It makes me go wooby and soft =X I never regret loving you, it's juz that I'm not strong enough to face the fact, to let you go.

Which is why I didn't wanna go for band. I would know it would crush me. Even more greater responsibility on my head is the entire band. Facing everyone, finding people wasn't that hard as facing her =( It's scary to know someone who was ever with you, now stood on the opposite ends. Where was the support that 'you' were suppose to give?

I really dun wanna give. In the cold watery shower that I had, I just stone with those icy waters dripping over my head.. Probably the best time to tink is when it's raining.. & I've decided.. I have to do it like a man. Go and face it. I should not run away. Pain? Becoz of a girl and give up on MWS? That is very unlike of me and definitely something that I should not do. I've believed in everyone and the band, now I'm giving them up juz because of a girl? Pain.. they may never go away, but one day I will leave and only return when the time is right. It is really impossible between us.

Mood was really quite bad today evening. Probably I was too stressed over Sunday's issue (as above) and was looking forward to something really. Turns out I'm such a failure. Went out with Fq they all, but being guys, we walked aimlessly. hahax.

I always believe tomorrow will be better always :) That's why I call myself a vampire. I have a never dying will, juz that I'm still humane.

I'll re establish myself to this motto:

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici
"By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe"

Knowledge to the things will be the truth.