A new year draws near.

Many a times, I wish the new year wouldn't come. Paradox right, how could someone always so uplifting and optimistic about this world would actually want so. Especially when the reason is because it bring about bad changes despite having new changes.

New changes comes, but normally, or quite a bit of times, with bad connotations. Meaning? They seem to reflect back on "what if" based on back then.

In our minds of simplicity where by we just try to imagine the incorrect odds of guessing how a simple decision process actually turns into a butterfly effect. Need me say more? There's bounds to be things you look back on; and for me? The year end is where it happens.

I was once in those shoes, those moments where hope was hanging by a thread, there was nothing to look forward and everything just keeps going wrong. Wrong would be a really a inappropriate term to be used, I should say didn't go that way. We can't have everything we hope to turn out the way we want them to; because we have so little control over the variables that influence the outcome.

"We can't have everything we hope to turn out the way we want them to"
It's a simple sentence, but takes lots of fortitude to endure and courage to assure.

Perhaps it's like the period of darkness; light no longer shining on you; your lucky star has move out of orbit kind of thing. I have these down moments too you know, I'm also human.

What cause it to have more? Could be the fact that now a new year is arriving, the chance to set things right amplify it's opportunities. I just have to get it through me that despite the 'chance' to set things right, deeming the new year as a gateway of opportunities, bad things are also bound to happen.

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Newton's third law

For every thought and also opportunity, there's a good and bad. But, I'm still believing in the good. It's hard, but it will be harder if you don't do anything.

Which saddens me to write this entry to mark the fact that "he believed in miracles". It's sad, the fact that he hasn't thought of his life plan but delicate it to faith. It's like not having to live his ideals and now imprisoned in a world of fixated rules. It's my selfish opinion, who's to judge.

I know, by comparison, he's leading a much better life. Honestly, I wasn't really prepared for him to be consumed by it. He breathes it and preach it now. It's like something in him changed, his very core; even against his parent's wishes. Technically, mum. His mum couldn't beat it, joined him too. At the very least, I think that she eventually gave in. I think the missing point entirely is what he's going to do from now on.

Time and time again, crossed my mind. To not care isn't something that my mind could just throw away, so I guess from all these years round, it's been here. We have our individual lives to live, so if this is the way he chooses, so be it. You can't suddenly draw the reality of this world into him. That's perharps the most cruel part; if should one day he be faced with these adversaries.. can I depend on the light to save him?

Saying they have to, is so not assuring. Who knows.

Lastly, been alot of reprise on old songs with different renditions. I think how each singers chooses to bring em up, it really captivates; could it be their own life experiences that makes those lyrics come alive?

Brings back memories to an old debate I once asked, a classical trained musician to follow the exact markings on the score, or to play the passage intended for it's intentions? FF & PP are just up to people's interpretations.

Anyways, too touching and goosebumps. I think those moments we look back, but further to that, how we relate. Not that much people are able to relate, because physically knowing it and just hearing.. are world of difference.

& where does this song climax again?

That pause for the moment your tear falls? Or that very moment the song ends? Or was there too many tears for 1 moment even.