Guess I indeed bottle alot of things.

Either it's the insanity of breaking out that brings me here.

That want to be unique, yet critical of everything. Maybe that's my new definition of perfection eh.

It's subtle. It's like you wanna be the very best, yet it has to be done by storm; but it's suppose to be low profile and maybe it isn't so bad to be common and the cycle repeats itself.

Weird thoughts and weirder cycles exist.

What people call "keep your shit together".

Maybe that's just that. I couldn't even; put those on the opening lines. Like controversy at it's best, it's you want and you don't want. It's hard to put it in words..

It's April, I'm barely alive. Work's been really busy, I meant really busy, luckily no-one's breathing down my neck. I'm thankful I still can control my 'busyness', aren't busyness un-controllable?

The other side there is getting busy too, like I'd like to call it the other world. It makes no sense how 'entitled' you are as to the next human being you're next to, except the fact that you get treated well with ranks? I aren't even talking about respect; maybe some do, but sometimes I feel the rank part just garner more charisma than respect.

Been promoted, not as if there's more privileges than ever; too early to say that :P just trying to put it in the nicest way across bluntly. I'd say more work involved. Probably involves putting on my thinking cap or even garnering people. Im actually not so worried, considering that I've got pals in it, it's just that I won't know who'd stand next to me when I fall. Technically, going too high also means it may fall right.

Sometimes, getting out of the comfort zone involves ripping a hole into this world. It's uncomfortable, but at the same time mysterious. That's how new things are discovered. Would sensation be the better word here? Unfortunately, the dislike and disdain sets in. Minus the cognitive biases and perception, I think the different values all clash. It's hard to identity the social circle or where the other one dawn from. Not to even mention, it's like ravaging in the dark for the light switch, that light switch is the only connected "similarity". Are parallel lines similar? Yes, but they'll probably never meet. Perhaps that's how all these "xiao shuo" opens with those epic lines (pun intended) / liners.

No, there seemed no way of detecting those dislike and disdain. It's magical; considering the most annoying person in the past could actually be your bestie next and how things change (circumstances or rather environment, etc) that make dislike and disdain go away. But it's a painful process; as my philosophical taxi uncle for the night says : " matters of the heart are most complex, no lady, there is no surchage for advices" He was telling me about a 37 year old korean lady who accidentally found out the dude she was out with was married after 6 months. He was like " don't give me that shit lady, 6 months is better than 6 years; & if you think you're worse off, wait till you hear mine." I'd really give another ride to hear his tale, but Im afraid "There is no never ending banquet under the sun."It's delightful, uncle just looked like some ordinary old man driving taxi. (they actually make dam good politicians or comedians sometimes and of course, philosophers.)

Telling myself to be strong, mental energy required for all these, the one who needs to be strong so that he can look after others.. I need my break too :x Stay home for 3 days seemed like a great idea xD

I need to have a meditation chamber, not literally a chamber, maybe some kind of balcony space or just a corner with large windows. (randoms)

Next, I do miss chilling. Literally drinks, small talk, inside jokes and every other dam thing that happen to you. 3 years pass just like that after graduation, I think like everyone kinda got messed up pretty badly? Either by work or something else. Messed up is a bad word, but I guess getting messed up is better than stuck now-where. Need to have a teleporter device at home, that literally I could move from 1 corner of my home to wherever i need to go and back :P my best wines, my best pals, good pals and other dam people I just wanna meet.

It's strange how people connect, it's even more bizarre how things turn out sometimes. Married with kids when she would be evergreen? Touring the world when she was almost happily married? Or fell in love with the bestie's ex-bf? There are some stories I'd love to listen to, some stories that I'd wanna tell.. yet where are all these people now?

Suddenly feel like an old man. Oh reminiscing you old fool.