I remembered..

I always wanted people to keep out of my head, solely for the reasons of the mass & mess happening in my head.

You never really pondered.. where does all the what if comes from.

2 things happen in a scenario, good and bad.

Wrong, it's actually what happens versus what doesn't happen. It's quite clear isn't it. Except we all have a bias that we actually want that what happens to be within our control. Not only so, we tend to think the expected outcome that we want is naturally good, or rather, favourable to us; assuming rationally of course.

Yet, there are so many variables to the situation, are we really in control or just following the weaving fates of time?

The mind always goes to show the other side that might happen, or possible any outcome that could have happened, should the already happened situation did. Having said that, that itself is a paradox. Because you can't go back in time, so trying to think of situations that are impossible to occur in impossible situations.. a waste of time? or reflections? (It was thought that after action review or even a small time aside each day to look at the day and hope to improve it.)

I don't know where all the regrets go, I don't know where all the "what if" go, or I don't think seem to even understand myself sometimes. It is in this abyss that I've been taught to pick the best choices out of the worse solutions and to remain kind. Unfortunately, I've always been weighed down by the many many choices that I doubted myself and the 10,001 scenarios that could have been avoided, replayed or even made better.

Yes, they do exist. They do happen and they're always on my mind. My grandfather's fall, going into the flute section, picking JC as choice, asking her then and everything else... But I have a definite answer, or a rather sound seal that I put to quell all this..

Is that should everything happens for the same time again, you would fall back into the same choice.

Because you would not have known what the other choice leads. One can envision, one can predict, or one can even be 100% sure of what's to come next. Yet what really happens next, sometimes does surprises. Which is to my exact answers to all the questionable scenarios in my head, since replaying makes no difference, exploring other options is just like a time loop.

Maybe it's a lie but at least you know 1 thing? You're content with what you have now and thankful for whatever that has happened or shaped you into the you now. That, I think is a miracle.

Im gonna get busier, to be honest, I really wish I could buy some time for relaxation. I miss drinks with just nonsense and rubbish and everyone just goes home happy.

We're not kids anymore, whereby drinking towers was really that adult. Be careful what you wish for too.

But all Im asking, is for more lovely moments, laughable nonsense and tearful joys to tide what's gonna come (:

Happy Blissful Marriages my Brothers~