Entry From Ebloggy - ( Public )
Juz hate myself... maybe u ask me why.... probably.. i'll really say it's a failure for me thought... Now i really dun see a point worry abt what i keep wanting too coz if i do i'll get into further trouble.. it starts like this yesterday 24.9.04...The whole day was fine, even assembly even thought it's lame la as in it's very childish but come to tink of it, it's quite creative to tink of it.... many of us actually fall into that category but then they dunno it themselvs one thing to say about our sec 1s this year is that they are very sporting.. then came band.. It was juz like it.. Steve told me his whole trumpet section wouldn't be there I wondered y ? He told me reasons like Sore throat.. n so on.. Well, i nv realise how important it could get until Hui Min came up to tell me... it's like.. when u completely then in a loss... I told Yi Ci.... She juz said that she'll look into that when she comes back.. zul juz went along wif her.. As for Chester he's taking a retest... HaiXz. i tried to call Mr masree.. but he didn't pick up.. So i guess i was really really at a loss that time... I didn't know what to do... the last time i remember was juz telling Hui Min to stay but i tink it's still Yi Ci that manage to persuade them the most.. Yeah.. i'm useless..couldn't even persuade some one back... next worst thing was that Mud didn't come n Jia Lin was like ? i tried to comfort Her but It was really a mistake i not only had cause a misunderstanding.. but initially lost a conversation wif HEr.. i juz hate it... i'm so useless lor.. Juz hate it.. can't really bear the thought.. i began to realise it's all becoz of me me me n me.... I shd have left band earlier on... then i wouldn't have to cause so much trouble.. Mr masree pins so much hope on me to get things settled.... Yet now i'm juz gonna say a word of "sorry" ? It makes me feel very guilty.. next was that it was actually thought that today was the last practise towards the final exam not only that, it was also the 2nd last pract to the concert.... yet so many sec 2 s aren't here.... i begin to worry n fear.... Is this wad i have taught, created, Paie Yang so far...? Y is it so then ? Chester's not really very welcoming at my suggestions coz i tink he find them stupid yeah... he got his own reasons i suppose that's y he's the DM n so It's like a situation u r stuck.. between 2 people... one ur boss.. next ur leader.. the main head ur leader doesn't like communicate well much wif ur boss la.. as in like concern abt how he's doing... ur leader's juz like dead... work when he needs to wif ur boss.. rarely asking him abt other stuff.. HaiXz...then ur boss pins hope on u becoz he knows of ur potential.. makes u like trapped in between.. coz u can't do much wif out power... n ur leader's not accepting ur stupid suggestions... or whatever way he tinks.... makes me feel so problematic haiXz.....
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