Dots. Totally Dots. i wanted to blog yesterday, but nothing came out of my mind. I was like, " i m doing EOM.. then.." erm. "then ?" pop out in my head. It was 10+, as i finally print my EOM and settle down to blog. Very long nv blog ler, i decide to pour my thoughts out, but seems like yesterday i was totally too tired to put it down. ZZz.

Things in the group is getting worse. Obviously i n Ming Chao look like the bad guy in the picture. I already knew so ! N i thought there's no need to change it. What i have got is that both i n him were contributing close to nothing to the group. oh great one, tell me they've been so much that they were so dam f good. i'm dam pissed.
Didn't realise how much anger i gathered while talking to Wen Hui about the group. If i haven't stop him about the Kay Yoke issue, i'd probably in depression already. Kay Yoke got me going yesterday regarding Zenia again. I guess becoz she pm me in msn. She's the cause sometimes.
She went " Hi.. Ur Promos coming ?.. Tml i got exam... blah blah blah" i was half sian diao, half wanting to wish her good luck, but i guess i got a hold of myself not to give myself some stupid ideas or fantasy. =X I juz gave her sacastic comments.
Like my nick says :
De silence was there.. always. it would nv break. You made simplicity difficult. =X n turn heaven to hell.
I tink i made it happened. From the day i met her, i casted a prophecy, saying that she would be my worst nightmare. Nvm abt the details, they're the past ler. Yet the truth is, my inside still hurts. The chamber of love in my heart no doubt has been locked and sealed to prevent it's contents from leaking any futher, but it hurts. There's no way i can open it up again becoz i've already say, most probably de next one is after A levels. Can't afford another one to screw up my life again. It's 3 months, but it's still hurting in my pierced together heart. =X I numb my feelings already, trying not to tink so much, and spend more time in studying. Doing nothing to hurt myself physically and mentally don't worry, i guess it still hurts sometimes.
I'm like changing topic suddenly, but i guess it's my style bahs. I haven't blog so long, that's all i have to say after so long. I was tinking maybe Wen Hui was all right in teasing me. At the very least i got to be brave about it, instead of leaving time to heal everything. M i stupid ?

With that in mind, i guess it's like i'm losing my judgement and everything else. It's like though i have as much reflections as possible, but sometimes the world is still full of uncertainty. For what the future holds is foggy.
Let's begin the PW Problem :
It maybe all begin from the start ? When i first met fel and begin introductions, she flooded me. Ok, i know she was high I then. I failed to realise till today, high I people offend ppl without knowing it. Despite knowing it for like so long ? All the DISC workshops, didn't it write that High I people should be more aware of what they'r saying ? I realise so only when Pei Wen, Ethel, Ah Gui, Fel and Tina were laughning like mad during Chinese OP that Mr Ng Kok Hua left them to the last. Pei Wen was pissed that she argued back. From my view, it's the whole 5 of them's that's wrong.
Felicia and Tina's presentation was like totally gone case. I have no bloody idea what they were talking about and they seem to be enjoying it. Dots, from what we can make up, it's some thing to do with Mona lisa. Crap, in the end, Mr Ng couldn't even take it and cut them off. It's totally.. in one word which is unpleasant : SHIT.
Pei Wen's on the other hand was laughing, i guess Mr Ng was prepared. So he asked Ying Wei to go first. Why ? Mr Ng, having done PW for quite some years, i guess must have gone through quite some OP or even OP reharsals. As said, nothing beats experience. Mr Ng is wise. I'm not being fore or against anyone or biased to Mr Ng now, but it's true.

Back to the PW issue, Fel was like " i was suppose to go NY, 12 pointer, but sick.. so i appeal back to SR since i was here for first 3 months". She sounded arrogant in her speech, but i didn't held that against her. I juz wondered how this 12 pointer would progress on. It's juz horrible. She practically failed every single test. i didn't went to diao her , didn't suan her or anything before regarding her or her results. As u all know, i dun suan anyone. Despite her words hurt every single time she were spoken to me. They held de " diam lahs" element always. I feel hurt when she spoke. Frankly, i nv really tink that she would say anything good. =X Yet i did not hold anything against her.
She went " thankyou Ming Chao". Ms Gan thought it was so sweet, it was SO Act CUTE in my view. Totally like makes ur hair stand. But she has always been that childish, jumping at shuai ge, handsome guy, gossiping and saying who is handsome with her ever so dreamy thoughts. Well, i frankly tink she won't make it for this year ?? I'm not trying to be bad or anything, it seems like. I thot, the class size for next year most probably will be the attendence of this week's tuesday. Missing Tina, Felicia and Siew Ming. In life, we always think of the best. I hold the risk of getting run down too. But i hold on to my hopes, and will work my best.

I WILL PASS THIS PROMOS N SEE YOU SUFFER THE PRICE U TIE ALL OF US DOWN.

Either that, or.. There won't be a OR. That was for Felicia. She has hurt me quite some times already, though Kay Yoke says she's quite nice. Apparently, seems like she only hurt me. Weird. I find her words are rather offensive, maybe becoz of my weak heart this days.
That's for the Felicia part. I hold no offence to her. I juz hope, whatever she speaks will be better in future.

Tina.
As deemed as the leader in the start, i thought she'd be de best. Our group would seemingly be the strongest in class. Ming Chao, a vunerable quiet mugger type. Felicia, 12 pointer, full of hopes. Tina, Class rep, previously NPCC chairwoman. Me ? Juz a veteran, free lancer. jack of all trades, master of none. Probably juz a friendly person. 2 Scholars, 1 leader. Isn't that enough already ? But, this was also not failed to let me tink that it might failed. I'm not being pessimistic. First impression didn't really got me going quite comfortable already. Look, we'r going to be in a project for a long long time, at least i'd say 1 year. If we'r not really comfortable in the start, would things even look more weird in future ??
I knew it already. i Juz kept quiet. I wanted to see Tina's ability to let this group, which has full of potential.

I started to lower my expectations of her. As much enthusiaism that i possess to aid her, it reduced. Firstly, i muz say, i do not have a very keen hearing. What other people might catch, i might not. SO, she find that repeating whatever she says a whore. Both Ming chao and Felicia got it on the first. I'm not trying to be funny lors, asking her repeat. My character is not play play type de lors. =X Repeating also makes u tink if what u'r saying is making sense or not. SHE juz simply sometimes wouldn't repeat. That became sort of a weak point of me.
De minute i realise we were the only group doing tradition, i thot, tina could do it. She seems pretty confident of it. wrong. It was proven all wrong. there was this time where she also didn't even know what to do. Furthurmore, meetings were cancelled strangely, with no proper of planning of meeting and most importantly, flexibility.

Next, Survey. Fel didn't finished the survey. Ming chao too. I did 21. She did 29. Wow, i completed within one week of the release of the survey. She on the other hand, say we need more time. She didn't complete it as fast. In the end, Felicia also didn't finish the survey.
Nvm. We were suppose to have a meeting on the 3rd week. She said " I suppose we won't have a meeting since everyone not free" When de hell did i even say that ? F. Tat's an excuse lahs. Other groups had time to do it even, why not us ? I knew our pace sorta slowed. De first week of July, Stella passed the % charts to Poh Wun, i knew. My group was to be in a series of trouble. How to help ? I really dunno whether to press on to our ever so busy leader who had camp in a time of crisis. I decide to juz shut up and let her lead. Take a gamble with fate and her, putting my university admission at sake.

3rd week meeting cancelled. that wasn't the only ones.
The extra GP lesson. It was a friday morning. The very morning of our election day holiday. It was a fine day to do anything after the GP lesson. Ms Goh had been on leave, becoz her mum died, and back to give us extra lessons. I know most of us tink that Ms Goh isn't a fantastic teacher, at the very least i guess she's among the best teachers we can get at SR. I DUN WAN ZETH i tell u. Tina didn't come. Fel also. Quite some people also didn't come. After that the whole class could go eat lunch too. Lols, why didn't we have PW meeting ? Was it even a member's responsibility to call for meetings ? Sorry, that's not my job. I'm juz a member. Since Leader don't even come for GP extra lesson, then i guess where does ur priority lies ?

Then, came this time whereby i was asked to pon band juz to have PW meetings. I've not missed a single band pract, only one whereby i was sick. The one they discuss about the Seventh night of July. Tina asked me, WR needs editing. I brought the labtop to school even, with my heavy baby, the saxyphone ( saxaphone). Even Ming Chao was in school that day. If i'm not wrong, Ming Chao came to school to dunno do what too. However, leader said " Felicia could not make it, same for her too" Oh Great. I almost did pon my CCA for her, becoz she sounded so pathetic " where does ur priority lies ??" WHEN SHE DID IT herself. =X Meeting cancelled again.

The whole sept holidays, we returned to school on Monday and Tuesday. The Monday afternoon we could even whole class go eat lunch together. Tina had something on after that i can understand, but tuesday ?

i'm going to type this once i return. started at 4.05 now is 4.52. Going for piano lesson now.