EMO Less Part II

Suppose to be explaining why things are like that..

Basically.. Joanne's been avoiding the issue ever since we left each other. Didn't understand what was her problem.. "Don't you think it's better for both of us?" still rings in my head. It torments me, but not to a very large extent.

I still remb Alice & Regina telling me, "it looks as if you both are together." Or it is not? Everytime it seemed like I'm that close to you, you were just thinking that I was nearby. Get the distance? Nearby.. not even close to you. at all.

Heartaches just went on and off as if they were like rheumatism. Yea.. Rain. Rain was like the sky crying for every single cell in my body that was sad. Didn't like the idea of it always, that was what people call EMO. "E Motionally Occupied"

NS covered up mostly. I was too busy to be concerned about it. Everyday burying myself in work wasn't the best solution, ultimately Sunday becomes the killer and it still is. I couldn't not help face the hopeless fact that I was vulnerable to her presence. Realise if she wasn't there, wouldn't it be so much better? I could only convince myself at least she was nearby.

Nearby? Nearby to watch her grow? Or to watch her suffer? I could only see that life hasn't improved at all for her. She's hiding so much tears and everything else. That's the part I like about her, she buries them deep and still smiles. She will tell only if there was someone willing to listen.

Someone willing to listen.

Conversations between us didn't last more than 2 sentences before it broke out into a fight. Yet among the most deadliest fights we get into like during the concert, she still falls back to me.

& Sunday.. she poured out everything. Not enough, but roughly I get it. I become like a hindrance to her. Everything I've stood for just become meaningless to her anymore.

I WAS NEARBY (in my world)

not anymore in her world.

I guess I found it so hard to cry. I swallowed everything whole that day. The sky was gonna rain badly. The clouds were so dark and if caught in it, one would be totally wet. I didn't give a dam but what swallowed is regretted. The dark sky, heavy rain and quiet bus ride.. would just simply make anyone feel the very saddening fact. & nothing came out.

Seems like nothing haven't been the best solution. It's all stuck inside. =(

That very day, Xin & Sm wanted to watch Kaiji. So ended up Kaiji was full, so they wanted to watch " Juz another Pandora's Box". We ended up watching "How to train your dragon" 3D. Lolx, didn't realise I choose the 3D function when clicking cinema. It was really awesome. Then went home.. spent some time with Xin downstairs talking. When I reached home, wanted to pack my stuff, then called Joanne becoz there was some librarian stuff to be done. To only know that I was rushing out to Farrer Park in search of some small red pouch.

That was the dumbest thing that I've ever done in this life due to impulse. I didn't know where the f I was suppose to look, I juz guessed my path and I juz wasted my time. I should have just stayed home and pretend nothing happen. She lost 3 mouthpieces in that small red pouch which she dropped unknowingly with 2 bloody IDIOTS which went home first becoz they have work.
LEFT HER TO FIND HERSELF NVM, U KNOW 1 WOMAN WALKING IN THOSE PLACES AT NIGHT???

Couldn't be madder. But I was also mad at myself. Anyways, she just didn't want me to look for her pouch at all. =.- Wanted to do so on monday, I only find myself using vulgarities at her. I couldn't believe it. I guess it's her way to say goodbye.

fine.

Haven't been feeling anything. Just look forward to spending more quality time here and there. =X