Tomorrow's Grandpa's 49 days prayers. It's as if the few weeks juz blinked.
It just reminded me of more times with her during those 'waves' period. I'm getting so unstable about this emo attack. Those flashbacks seemed so real and frightening. Isn't entering the realm of nightmares and facing them what I need to do?
No, I am not suppose to do it.. alone. Or rather, even bothered about them actually. Remember the times where I seemed so helplessly lost without caring, somehow, I tink that if i morph back to that imbecile creature, it will be so self contradictory, yet that is myself of the past. The mistakes I made then was unforgivable perharps, yet the chapter has already past.. looking back, I told myself that the only way that is that between 'us' there should always been this, "he's always been there" & of course.. "she's always been there".
Boils down to being there for each other and sacrifices?
The debate between she and me could just go on for hours and the whole battle in my mind would be that torturing and warped.. So I've just time and time again sealed up the whole thing. It probably meant running away, yet how many ppl know of it's torment I'm facing despite everything I try to take my mind away?
There suppose to be this 'cooldown' period for every 2 of them. Where's mine? It would seem apparent that both of us has already drifted apart. It would seemed as if both of us should ever meet again. Shouldn't it be the way? =/ despite the cruel ness of having everything severed between us.
I'm gonna stop. This is just my story. For her side, would you ever want to erase everything again and start over? I would but probably by then I would have been long gone.
The only thing I ever learnt from you, was that only when things are gone, then you'll learn to treasure them.
That's why.. I somehow want to treasure what I have. At the same time, break this aftermath thing, Contradictory about band. I would love to tell myself "get out!" to you. But that can never happen from me.. Isn't it just excruciating to see each other? =/
Yet it seemed like nothing ever happened to you. Yahs, the trait of you 'acting blur' and now? I just look like some kid who'd only know how to cry 'pain'.

The week after I stopped work was kinda busy. Had to submit SIM stuff, settle my driving, pick up my piano again, focus on flute and blah blah blah. There seemed like a never ending list. Yet, I didn't really feel like taking a break elsewhere. Lazy and moodless to get out of the country. Maybe Sentosa. Somehow, I just really wish to stone and sit by the sea for maybe my birthday. Need somewhere to gather my thoughts and throw them away. It would never seem like there was something I was looking forward to this year, except for my band and more time spent with my besties.
Other than that, I didn't think much about anything else. Working part time, fighting for my life and probably waiting for the girl to come by. Waiting for her to disappear too to give my some peace probably.
There's nothing more I wish than to forget her. Don't understand why I'm like having myself tortured despite my will to destroy those memories =/

Going out later. Maybe the best thing that ever happened this week was YOG rehearsal. Tiring but fun and my senses's acting up. Seems weird, but then again.. I have been desparate then. Lolx. =X Wondering if it's real or not. =)