Entry From Ebloggy - ( Private )-
I was right.. damn right.. everything..anything...might be gone within one nite...DOes Anyone in the world understands me ? The answer is NO!! .. NO !! NO!!... those truely called my best friends... are the onces closest to me... yet... they still are unable to understand me.. despite spending the most time with me.. Me ? Y is it so ? Is beCoZ what i do is ultimately diff. from what normally pp do.. y is it so ? Maybe.. some other pp also does the same.. i called it free style. What i want to eat and drink vary, depends on my mood and appeitite for that day.. but most of the time anything.. but since it's vary it's not fixed.. so sometimes, even my best friends dun no what i'm up too. Recess at cateen eating mee, or recess at hall.. Whenever u feel like doing something, as long as it doesn't break any rule, look unneccessary, make things worse.. and so on.. then i'll go do it. U know ? When pp ask for volunteers to clean up.. in CCA, band.. i do.. y ? BecOz no one else bothers to do.. by volunteering, those who want or wish to do with me like Suhaimi, would in turn volunteer. Volunteer work.. when i can start writing journals in middle of class.. whereby relief teacher.. pp tink i'm mad.. yeah.. i 'm.. there's no harm writing is there ?Fine.. now i really got nothing to say.. How i wish.. to close everything up.. but do u tink it's so easy to do so ? Even if i wished to ? I dun wan to say.. i dun wan to complain.. BecoZ whatever i say.. whatever i talk... it's useless..Tink my life's biolography's complete ? I miss out all the points.. so that u might tink it's beautiful... but it's not.. Y won't anyone want to live in a drmZ ? BUt.. it's not what i can.. Everything happens concidental... y would i say that ? maybe they aren't.. but tink again.. A serious set back with another coming back in the next months... frankly.. the first set back was nothing okZ.. nV get a post.. But tink.. who's the so called "DM" who was the ADM in the past.. yet now what is he doing ? NOTHING.. in the past ? NOTHING.. life is unfair u say ? Then what about losing someone also dear to u ? Ur best junior ? Is that what i have to go through... ?For the last 2 yrs, been keeping the responsibility for pp in band. How Many seniors willing to come back in the first place ? a few.. but who's really really commited ? Rare few.. Many seniors might not feel it.. but.. we.. the ones who encourage them.. teach them, joke with them, play with them... have fun with them... Cripple their life long drmZ.. yet they dun blame us. U tink life is nice to live with when u feel guilty when u see them... as well as seeing them every practise.. encouraging them to look at a brighter future.. while u are the one who made things impossible ? Is it anyone's fault that this happen ?.. I also dunno.. is it the ex seniors fault for choosing wrong leaders? I also dunno.. U tink that i have answers for everything ? I dun.. Though i'm diff. from the native me 4 yr ago.. everything thot can leave to 'fate' to decide, i guess.. it played more on me... noW.. u tink i have the time to go fool around ? joke on things that nV was... all i ever wanted.. was a peaceful life.. not anything else... but how peaceful can anything get ?Complex thots.. Simple thots.. is both complete diff things.. Even if i was to stop at something by giving an excuse, maybe if u bought that excuse, it would have prevented more trouble. i would nV lie.. unless it's a white lie.( Even if it harms me or anyone, how would u know it would harm anyone ?)Sometimes, it takes far too long... way way way far too long to understand some things... haixXxZForget it.. i doubt anyone would even understand this.. at the younger ages.. i was crying... worried what if one day everyone disappeared one day.. and left me.. at sec 2 i failed to relate this incident.. becoZ the pain is juZ simply diff. V.V. Diff. losing something so dear is painful... but is v. painful to me.. Yet Do i have a choice ? FOrget it bah.. let's juZ say.. i'm sorry.. Understandable or not.. not important liao... What is done cannot be undone... all i can say is still Sorry.. though the damage is still there... what can i do ? U say fault lies with me... what is it ? Frankly i really dunno.. did i say something wrong ? If yes, then sorry.. if no then what ? I guess now it's too late to apologise.. hate me if u wish.. despise me if u wan.. i will not blame u or hate u... I forgot... Nothing can replace time... it takes time to understand fully one's thots..i failed to understand that point...Sowwey..Misunderstooded again... Alice.. u haven't taught me enough... maybe..
No comments:
Post a Comment