Somehow i am tired..
But i have to finish today's entry..
Today's entry is very important. Once i written finish, it will be history and into archive. This entry will be the one you will wan to look for, 1 day...
Today had a big quarrel with you all the way. It wasn't for fun. It wasn't nice too, i juz can't take you missing in my life... no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't. Ur absence was something that no body can fill within a short period of time. On top of that, everything was breaking apart, becoz they are completed by both me and you. You shd have felt it more, maybe partly by ur side, another is by Orlina. I don't have a choice do i? You did the damage and expect me to defend it as soon as possible.
On the day i was looking forward to. It juz all appeared like a unbelieveable story to me.. But i totally can't understand... however, i have to. Or i'm juz bluffing myself not to accept things like that.
070707 the day we started, same as Jimmy, but his ended earlier than ours. Yet the very basic reason why i choose that date, was not only coz it was nice, it was the day, the legend of Niu Lang Zhi Nui. The reason why we are together is already bu ke shi yi.. yet why do you wan to end it? Muz it be like the legend? I choose de day not becoz i wan it to become like the legend, i juz wan it that romantic way.. you like the 7th Night of July too, u know e.. the saxaphone solo. >.< But now everything's over.... You wanted to break, but it was not clean. It ended up for you become quite emotional, along with me. I know Orlina was flaming things up. I had to do something somehow to stop you feeling it too. The only way was for you to either hate it, or forget it. To forget is hard, becoz there are no such way for you to forget me. But to hate, seems easier to do so.
Ur dad and gabriel were juz excuses. I already told you before. Alot of times, i kou ying xin luan. You gotta tink abit. I know you aren't stupid, but you need to learn it. The world is not as simple as you tink. =X If not, i wouldn't bring upon myself to vow to watch over you.
However, i cannot watch over you if you do not agree, and that my own feelings are stirring up. You refuse to see me on several occasions. You juz didn't believe things would turn out to b better. Juz like monday, it was fine isn't it? For your oral this part, i simply told u before, ur aunty juz wish for you to be able to get into poly easier, even without GPA. At least, you can tell others, i went in using O level results... The nitec that you get is like extra help along the way. It doesn't hurt to have extra rite? If'd only u knew and understood... you are the only daughter of your mummy and the only child. For ur mummy, she would have a high expectation of you and would put everything for you in high priority.
Ur mummy is juz like mine, if they don't joke abit, it doesn't really makes ur life interesting rite? Your mummy still can laugh after a whole day of exhuastion, same as my mummy, who used to work, last time and now also no diff, it's amazing. Once u start working in future, i tink you would begin to realise this. Ur mummy meant for you well, for you not to have a bf so early... i never took that as a reason not to have you as my gf.
My own feelings stir. Absence makes the heart fonder. I did told u, my whole world stopped moving the day you said that. The tuesday after 07, 08 July 08, the return to SR didn't really cheer me up abit. Neither did it really had a impact for me. I was juz.. like a dead body moving, not even by the soul power, but the willpower of mine. To me, both the heart and e soul was dead.. heart broken into a thousand pieces even more fine than sand.. soul, lost somewhere... it didn't affected my work, but it juz dragged my days. Everyday, i would look forward to after work to see you, sms you.. talk to you.
You are the only 1 who can make me :)
That is why, i enjoy begining with you every now and then. But u hid from me all the way, you made me feel like you deliberately hid from me. I look like a dam despo everytime asking you out, but only to be ps by you. Juz like 2007 beginning. I totally did not know what to do... till finally i decided.. the dream muz come to an end.
That was when i issued you the last letter, after our 1 year anniversary entry. I wanted to take it into my hands, i do not wan you to bear this. I understand your reasons behind this, your mummy, your school work and your band. I cannot overwrite all of them, neither can i help with them. So i guess i fail in that, a husband is suppose to understand his wife best. sorry.
How could i ever make you hug me? or kiss me? Only till i started the 1st step, you released what was in your heart. I know, you still have some. It's the desire of bf and gf. I wanted to be that... supporting you till everything was over, but i was wrong in that without feelings.. those are useless. You do not have the feelings to really hug me anymore, not to even mention kiss. I can't tink of other ways to help you except being your hugging booster. No matter how hard i tried to get you to study, it's hard. You cry easily, i wanted to be there everytime you did. I promised that, but now i cannot any more. Haix. Sorry.
Juz know, everything i said before was real, i wanted you to be my bride. You look so pretty in gowns.. c? you still haven't wore the 1 i bought for you. Even for anniversary. The last time for that thing? You don't owe me le, i decided not to make you do it. You have given me more than i should have. I know, thanks. Sorry for doing it the harsh way. I hope you understand. If you still hate me, i wouldn't blame you.
"I will slap you, and i mean it, if you ask anything more stupid questions"
I imagined slapping you when you asked about the library.. =.- noty me. But i tink i can't bear to. Forgive me for being so bad and being such a lousy bf.
Asking you to see me today, was juz an excuse to start partly. The main reason is.. i miss you. i have 2 whole days of doing nothing. Tired.. even though i emo ed the whole day.. it's really tiring after ops, even if it's juz 2 tooth. >.< i will miss you
but don't miss me...
You yuan zai Jian mian.
Hou Hui You Qi.
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