Juz Today...
My entire heart juz frost by itself.
Right after valentine's day, it will completly be frozen by a barrier of ice.

It didn't shattered.
It was juz like a knife that pieced my heart..
Yet the knife is like a harpoon.. it can open, and thrusting it's hidden thousand sharp pointers into the rest of my vessels.
My whole heart bleeded..yet who could even see it ?
I won't say it's becoz of her, joanne, it's entirely my fault.

You know, other than juz standing beside the person you love and she/he doesn't know it..
there's one other .. which is so called cannot tell the truth ?
- Not able to convey it across due to some reasons.
For others would be " she/he 's attached"
For me, it's not being able to be with her for de whole lot of this year. I know , even if i had her, i wouldn't have time to accompany her. On top of that, i might juz disappoint her again and again.
Yet, i'm the one trying to build a bridge of this relationship, such that by next year, when i truely can.. maybe.. i will b able to pro claim her =) love her whole heartly.
It all came down as a dream, and fell piece by piece by fate.
The dream isn't entirely gone.. who knows wat fate holds ?

But it's juz the pain is unbearable. The knife/harpoon is love. The blood that flowed out cannot be placed back, but too much blood will reoccur the heart to shatter and eventually i'll be breaking down like last year. But i can feel the aftermath already. I have not healed from my flu, since the Econs paper. Maybe i've held hopes to go out wif her since last month, but it seems like all these hopes were accidentally unknowillingly crushed. Yet, who understands ?

It hurts. Truely, it does. I can't blame her, neither can i blame anyone except myself.
Ai yi ke ren hao nan.
I tink i realise the crux of the problem then. I simply loved too deeply.
It has always been like that.
If i really love someone, i will never let go.
I can b very sure of that.

Not going to school tml, maybe it's today ler. Now is 12.37 a.m. I juz finished playing Pirate King Online wif grayson, coz his daddy couldn't let him play that late. I was leeching him off exp =X hahax, after all, becoz he's a attacker and i'm offensive. well, becoz partly becoz of the flu. Mum's concern abt why the flu's so long.
To me, i still believe what doctor thinks is still - A happy optismistic mood.

It makes sense.. juz like telling a person who juz lost his legs to go for physio therapy. If he/she 's optismistic and happy still, treatment will be faster. >_< yet.. how many pp can really face up the fact that one's sudden lost of legs. It's hard. for me too, regarding my matter.

I dunno. Though i saw her in JJC, but i tink that's where i was disappointed too. I couldn't bring up the courage to speak to her. She was wif her friends. Neither could i really date her out. It seems like a dead situation isn't it ? Even if i had the courage, i 'm really scared of her reaction.
Maybe i'm juz shy and timid.. as always.. >_<

Till then, i really dunno what till fate holds. I dun like guessing games. Though virgos have strong institution, but it's not for this kind of stuff. Hais, so.. to forbid myself to allow my heart to affect my soul once more, i have to protect it from de matters it handles. Love is too heavy to burden.
I will take some time even if she's attached. I know it myself. Hais, though it's juz a matter of time, prevention is better than cure. I can't prevent her from getting attached, it's her will mahs. I also can't get her to wait for me, so i guess.. i'll juz hope someone else comes along and give her happiness. If not.. bash up the person =P ? Hahax.. hope i dun have to. Will break her heart de.

Thought i'll die coz i ran awhile in the cross country. >_< But if ppl die so easily by running juz a few steps, there'll most probably be more deaths in this world. My heart there the muscle.. I really hope it's nothing serious. It hurt yesterday.. cramped or pained today as well. Hais, i nv hais so much, but it's like so unpredictable. I sound so moody =X Maybe bahs.. i juz dunno how to write down how sorrowful it is.

So, ya to wrap up. I guess the best solution is to seal up my heart. Though i tried to before that.. hoi and joanne. Both broke it. It's not like it's easy to break it. I dun anyhow take a liking to anyone lahs. But hais, nv that ler. This time, it's to freeze bahs. To recover from this, prevent the blood from flowing out of the wound of the harpoon/knife.. keeping the heart in a so called crystal- lattice structure. My heart won't freeze, dmg control isn't that bad.

But i guess.. it's like that. I dunno what to say any more. Miss her more than anything else, only to be dimishing. Reason why i'm feeling so bad is she didn't wanna pick up my call yesterday. She didn't even reply me in the morning. Hais, maybe she had her reasons why.

Dun wanna tink so much also lahs. This entry is so far the longest. LoLs. NightZ.