I always have no wish to quarrel with you.

I juz cannot take it.

I always told you, times and times again. Remember? I said, we can't be friends if we.... broke.

You were so scared to break then, yet it really happened, I couldn't believe it. What if we're not destined for each other? You came back to me then after much persuasion.. The period of July to the next Feb.. X'mas, it was if you would unofficially declare so. I never stopped believing in you.. till July 09.

Maybe it was partly my fault to leave you alone, yet isn't that what you wanted?

So when the day you realise you had enough of me and that period where you were alone was way so much better than being with me, then you called me off. Fine I thought, let your world go back undisturbed.. I told myself, Please don't come back if you really were to go. =X Because I know you will come back, after I start to find another girl.

I was right. I did asked you clearly & you replied " Don't make me regret it again" Regret the fact that we broke again this year. I cried so badly last year, you broke on our 1st anniversary because you never believed in fairy tales. You thought I was juz wasting your time & till our 2nd anniversary, I really thought you start to believe in love.. you did not.

I cried so hard. I cried my whole heart out. I even feel like crying. I wrote so many letters to you. Would they not represent how much you stood in my heart? How much you meant to me?

Every single of them, I have never thought of you replying, as much as I hoped. You promised, if should we break, you will answer.

Is this how you answer? Answer to me by saying " Be my best friend?"

We've been together for clearly 2 years, in your eyes minus the period of July - Feb, that's less than 2 years. I told you that, does it mean that you wish to count so particularly the months you drew the line and the time I tried so hard to get you back. Means the time you stopped loving me?

At least, being with me so long, doesn't separation mean anything to you? I could only weep in silence.. you only thought "miss you loads" was juz a normal sentence, while "absence makes the heart fonder" was another sweet talk statement. Why is the whole world but you, watching me weep and cry in sorrow..

because the truth hurts.

I shouted at you last thursday night. You don't get it. Muz I shoot it straight into your head once more? Yahs, you have a forgetful memory, but such painful stuff that you can see from my expressions.. you juz pretend nothing ever happened or didn't even want to bother anymore.

I'm tired of writing my feelings. At least it's sorrowing and wasting everyone's time and effort to read them here. They aren't suppose to be around......

Friday had a bit of sore throat. I guess self medication was suicidal for me. After screaming at Joanne on thursday, I seemed to have lost my mind. Was out with SeeHui, but I guess she didn't know what to do with me either. Thanks Seehui for not eating Mos, but either way I would have gone case. Because coconut was suppose to be heaty, not what i thought to be 'cooling'. I was really "yi du gong du" and thus like self destructing inside. Struggled alittle on the way back home on the train. & after I reached home, I immediately knocked out and slept 12 hours straight, waking up at strange intervals of 7.30, 9+, 11+ and finally.. 12.35pm. I slept from 12am to 12pm. I tink partly due to fatigue also.. been sleeping like 5 hrs per day since the performances in October..

But I ruled it out as a "xin bing". Usually after a breakup, it's my way of my heart repelling the fact. I couldn't figure out why.. but that's juz that. Zenia one, Joanne one. I thought Joanne's would never come. I was wrong, too much poison in the heart would eventually force them out. I guess I am being quite ridiculous, but the only that probably change will power is love for me.

Now that the poison's out, I probably laughed at myself maybe drowning myself in MWS work and stoning unnecessarily. Also, I missed out building my body and exercise.. neglected myself alot.

Furthermore, looking forward to ORD de, but blinded by the fact that I was single juz makes me feel utterly disappointed..

Sometimes, I juz feel that, not letting you know everything is the best, Because you never ever believed what I trusted you to. I know it's nice to know everything.. yet..

you're not who whom should deserve it.

I'll leave the circle of memories and onto the Purple Ice Palace.

Fullcirclev will juz be a shadow..

=)

Smile Vammie, the day for you to open your grin wide will come.

Thank you guys, girls for being by me for so long.

Jacq, my 3 months is expiring, I wish to renew. Lolx.. kidding. Carrying on..