The previous entry was dated last monday, it's the next monday after it already.

I blew the dust away from here now. I suppose to punch in entries. let's start from last week...

Tues was at Nee Soon Camp for eprep, then came back home around 1+ and juz slack awhile. The whole day juz passed liddat with a bit of weird things in between. Was relaxing when Chief called me about a document. >.< thot I'd be in deep trouble the next day, turns out to be fine.

Wed was CCMC meeting. I sat alone there and juz watched how us (MWS) tio shot. Mr Chia was right abt "work smart, not hard". I realise there muz be a goal or purpose to surf, if not I'm like going in circles. I always say spend some time to do MWS stuff, end up I'd probably b stoning over it. That's what I've been avoiding lately, spending more time on dota and abit for myself too. Thanks Yanling for reminding me, I'm human :P

Thursday.. the rain was pouring heavy. Went to Pulau Semakao. The landfill island, learnt quite a bit. The weather was terrible, one that could match a rainstorm summoned by a great wiz. The rain was that heavy to cause flood to low lying areas like Bukit Timah. Was in CPT Khoo's car and couldn't even see. I was the navigator somemore. One of the times whereby you never thought to see such things? Lolx..

Friday.. luckily, the weather didn't took a toll on me. Friday was juz friday and I went CC to do admin stuff alongside with opening doors for the 2 new clarinet ladies.

Sat.. skipped 2012 with FuCK Clique, I wished I went, I haven't caught it yet. I had 3 reservations that day, so weird. 1 was 2012, 2 was my planned date for my brotherhood's, 3 was Dj that side. Dj that side was suppose to be swimming in the morning, turns out he missed me out.. awww tio ps. Lolx, then they went to celebrate Sunny's birthday, it was nearing 2, I'm to go Clementi then 3+ go cc? Sianx, so didn't go.. end up they went for Lan after trying to surprise Sunny. My brotherhood was purely a guys night, Hh couldn't make it coz of his friend 21st at East Coast, Jacq was studying, leaving Jiayu only, so I had to ask Sm not to bring her. =X Hais.. Me, Sm, Xin & Clement. Zaex forgot it was saturday, not sunday but he was also at PS with his secondary friends. Ended up eating Fish & Co, same for him also. Went for lan after that.. Left for Dead.. Found a way to get pass the horrible map that Jh, Shaun and me couldn't get pass the other time. However, it was dam tough, so didn't pass with sm they all. Been hoping to get it through soon but no1 free for lan lehs >.<

She was the CC too. But i juz pretended she didn't existed. Alvin told me " she asked if you left already"
He sense her concern, but when I heard the Q, I took it as a way of " are you still alive?" wadever. I'm not going to be nice lors.

Sun.. was band. I wrote big big " hate sundays" Saw her and got terribly sianx. My systems were all churning up and I was like half the time not in the mood for anything. Got better when Mr Lin came and we juz started practise. Of cos, my playing sux. I was getting so flat. My mood and everything was like twirled up. I couldn't really focus.. Yet I'm like the only flautist there. HAIS. Quarrelled.
I told you I m not going to speak.

It always ends up like that. Yi ren rang yi bu. Yahs.. the next minute u see me crying.

I so hate it.

Y am I so weak? The attempts to close all this.. Why is it that I'm the one suffering it?

I read thru the chat logs by accident. I realise.. maybe all the time was me. I was sorta blinded by love. At the same time, you make no effort to even create a slot for me in your heart.

I was that immature and un standable to even have a place in your heart?

Dears and darlings were all fakes. All the missing you words too. I was juz de illusioning myself that.. you.................................

I ownself realise the dumbest mistake I'd ever made for this. I juz feel like crying it out. I'm like a fool.

The reason why my piano never improved these years and finding excuse, as well as why I'm not touching it as often.. lies with Zenia and Joanne. =( It can't be that concidental.. ever since J1, is not I'm busy.. I dun touched it as often already.

Now? Ever since the time I cried while playing halfway, the same feeling comes back.

It could be a reason for my laziness, but my emotions have interlinked my memories together as well. It could juz serve as a factor for it. I don't want to say le.

That is y.. I don't wish to talk abt anything anymore.

I juz wanna let go of everything and let all the nonsense fall.

Like shattering all the glasses of time.. it'll all be over the floor. Painful as I walk and clean them.. at least one time to clean all.

I don't want to see you again. =(

Becoz I cannot not do this.

I'm sorry to you and the other girl.

But to the other, I'm sorry you have to bear with this.

Really sorry. At the same time, finding you is like in a maze now.

=X Will you give me a chance to love you?