Written R E V I S I T E D

Walking back to the memories that meant to dear..

Everything that we shared will now be destroyed... and shifted to the 'rubbish' dump of the mind side.

I'm still at Jimmy's house, typing profusely as I awoke among the mere shadow peeps of the morning. I still feel horrible.. as if my insides have been churned.. as if my heart has been forced open.. so painful. The BBQ was not with your class, but with Joel, Shirley and Joon Hoe. My insides completely melted. So, I was left out... completely.

I guess Joel meant well that if I were to be there, it wouldn't have been much nicer anyways. I wonder why I'm feeling like that, felt really lousy after that, n emo really really very badly. The nights have never been that empty before. It felt as if her recovery is so fast.

I muz learn to let go..
Though I have alreay told myself fate has sent the 2nd angel of my life to love me, it is ultimately me who find her and love her. "But you are not ready" says Fate. Or something liddat..

Yea, even Jacq asked me, "when you're gonna keep moaning?"..

My first reaction after seeing it was to apply a few weeks of leave from MWS. It seems like I underestimated the excruciating pain which I have to endure during this period of time. But then again, by doing so, I am running away.. from myself and the rest of the world. I wanted so dearly to leave.. I never wished to have anything to do with her till I was ready to give her an answer back.. to protect her even if she longed to be with my worst enemies...

True love, which is what others say, to give her the very best when you are unable to. Just proves how a failure I am to her. How to carry on finding the 2nd one?

Deadlines just crossed my mind over recovery periods, budgets and my NS life.

It was worsed actually. I didn't really guessed again, the East the place I'd spent the most with her. Be it Changi Airport, Tampines, Simei, Tanah Merah.. they mean really important things to me. Changi Airport.. the place where we started.. Tampines and Tanah Merah, the place where I would see you after your ITE band practise. Simei, was the place where your father brought you here n there, a place which i believed most dear to your heart.. that's why I never wished that I actually wanted to know what was initially on your mind with everything there.

Nevermind.. the more I ponder.. the more I feel like drinking a death potion/poison. If it didn't kill me, probably it might end me somehow numb.

But don't worry, I won't.

I got to endure this..

It's really sweet that things belonged to us like this, but how much of us do you treasure anymore? I tink everything doesn't.. I'm going to remove everything from my mind. My return to band? I'm not sure.

Sounds like a very bad idea always.

Don't know what m i tinking even.. they say sadness can kill 1 person, I'm already dead, can I be killed once more?

Feel like crying, but there's no tears..

So xin ku. Telling myself to stop emo ing seriously, is easy to say but so hard to do.

Vammie. Jimmy's house.