I have no idea why blogger turns out to have like no skin at all. It's weird.. & I'm getting stressed. Wondering, are you reading these entries?

I don't wan you to have anything more to do with me. Even if should I be alive or dead, I shouldn't. I've decided that even should 1 day you will need help, I won't reveal myself still. The lucky thing is, what I've done is I've destroyed the entire memories that lies in you, the entire sweet moments I've spent with you, that all resides in you. I'm no more than the Andy you once knew, except the horrible and hateful guy who chased you out of MWS committee.

& There's no mention of me or any existing entries about me anymore, I guess it was good that you just destroyed them entirely.

For your own good...

When i probably realise you can't take up the heat in poly, I so wanted to remove you from it. I am feeling stressed from it as well, becoz I tink Zq has handed most of the stuff to me, meaning that he might juz go off from there. It will be a very difficult path to walk from now on, becoz I have to make my own decisions, decisions that will affect this special group of people that I call my 2nd family, my Moulmein Wind Symphony Band. Why won't I take the chance and let you try again..?

You loathe the way I do things and find them useless. In time to come, then probably you'll realise that they should work out fine. Yet, I won't say I'm 100% correct. I find it hard, becoz everything I prove to you something, you probably think that it's juz that I'm trying to prove myself better than you. I always challenge you to take upon my post of Vice President, you said I was juz intimidating you. You never sat on the seat of the NCO posts before in secondary school, making it hard. At least in Schools, there were Teacher In charge who at least push for things or get them done, coz it's part of their job. For us? Everything will have to be done yourself, including the planning. It's very tedious and the next part of it, is clearing up all the years of delayed processing of the library scores that lies deep in our cupboards.

You may wish to come back 1day, I know.. if should you be, the time will come after I've settled with the scores myself. It's a task that no matter you vow to change or do, you still won't have much of the time to do so. I could be wrong in this part, but I still believe I'm right. I don't know how to take care of myself, yes, it's a 1/3 life crisis. I'm 20, not doing anything but rotting in the army? At least I'm trying hard to fight, to fight on with the things I do.

As freedom is what you wish, it will be what you get. You are now free from the ever so busy committee, free from me, the devil controlling you and free from the thing that you never believe in, love. You have loved me, but not as much.. probably to the extend of giving me everything, but yet, you'r heart does not lies with me. It still always flow in a different direction, that keeps you tinking that I'm trying to keep you away from the direction you are taking. Other people are older and have more experience than me, which is good for you.

I'm not looking forward to weekends, though I finally had my long awaited rest, sleeping till 10+ and I woke up, I juz felt the whole day dragging on me, I haven't made any plans. Worse, no friends appointment. zZZZ, it's so empty except things I have to do myself. Ren yu was still telling me his weekend is super busy and say, it's friday, cheer up!. Yeah, if he'd ever knew what happened =X Don't blame him, it's juz normal.. it's juz me.

Cried on thursday night, I didn't know what to fill in for the few days, so probably I thought I might consolidated and entered them here. Juz didn't know what to say.. I'm really not myself. I am juz like moody and irritated. I dunno lahs. Sorry pals and friends. It's Sept next month, or rather next week already. October then... Why does it have to repeat like last year? =(

If you chased her out of your life, why are you feeling like this?

It's probably, your so called freedom. I can't hold my head to face you in this anymore.. This is something that you shouldn't know that.. you feel this way, becoz I hoped you to, to wake up and to make sure, the next guy will surely be able to fit.. becoz I'm such a horrible person.

=')

But my smiles will never be the same again, same for my hand =]

To the rotting saturday, HURRAY!