A Vampire's Desparation

Juz barely 1 months..

Or half a month later... things turn out to be like this.

I don't like it. I dun have a choice either..

You said it out of your mouth. I don't like to hear it, but I pretended as if I agreed, which was utterly and atrociously wrong. Vammie, or Andy, why are you not fighting for the women you love so dearly? Is it that she has managed to convince you that she'll be better off alone???

Yes, i believed she has. I watched as my poor heart tremble and fall. I watched as pieces of it shattered into a million pieces.. I held my tears to the very end, till i had no choice but to run home and cried. =X I really hate myself.. that was Friday.

Today is Sunday, which also meant, i survived the torment of the 2 days..I'm just giving excuses and excuses time and time again. Joel told that straight into my face on Thursday night, after meeting the patron. He thinks Joanne won't come back. Whether what he says is true or not true, I've always thought the most important decision lies with you.. only you.

I know I haven't been a very good boyfriend, accommodating to your needs. I'm busy with NS, after finally i have the time to, you either are not free, or that just somehow you're not used to it. It's juz like i pampered u too much in the past, picking u up always, such that you seemed to think that there was a old me and a new me. You on the other hand, much much to handle already, there isn't like time for me to fit into your timetable anymore. I even foolishly said "Put me as your last priority". Probably that did the job, you kept me out for at least a week even.

Love has never been the thing for you. I don't really think it meant anything to you if you don't see me for years and years. I would think that it doesn't matter at all. Even if it does matter, I think I've destroyed it.

To you, you always think I like quarreling with you. Something that We find it hard to give way, but you realise that if things went your way, would many things still be undone? You never seem understand why things are some way like that. You've been with me for 2 years le, is it so difficult?

It has to you.. I have my wrongs too. Practically, I'm juz feeling like an idiot. Who's the dumb ass posting entries last month.. here, when it took place le, I'm juz like a cry baby.. refusing to accept reality.

Yesterday didn't seem any better. I just think that both of us meeting up anymore is wrong. Since you are unable to face me, I'm still in a fit of anger.. I really don't know how to carry on from here.

I can only say, give me some time to calm my thoughts. Even at my expenses of my position, Vice President, when the Chairman is not around.. I decide to keep my absence.

I juz feel like sleeping in bed and practically not doing anything but I know I can't do it that way..

Please tell me I'm still existing..

The dust of this blog is finally blown away.. I should keep some time to update this.

I wished, someone put some warmth back to my life.. the snow keeps falling.. unable to brush off the heavy load off the pieces of my broken heart.